WHAT IS THE SOLUTION….

“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that is has taken place.”- George Bernard Shaw

Communication can solve most of the problems in our life.It is important to have an open convesration as a family and speak our heart out.In trying to figure out the solution for Dipti , I had received many valuable advice from friends and family. Sharing with you all today few of them.

“Our family is much more important to us than whatever is stressing us out. So in this particular case all three of them should sit together and take a pledge to never take that stress out on one another. All three seem to be individually good but as a family they don’t seem to be coping up with the stress. So talking is the only solution I can think of.— Prashant Agarwal.

“She needs to chat with her father to convey that she is very disappointed with his behaviour”. -Jayendra Shah

“In my opinion if she feels strongly about leaving she should leave. She can help her mother only if she is in perfect tune with herself. Running away is not always a bad option. At times not doing anything is a big problem.Shabbar Hussain

“There is no straight single solution for such problem. It has many dimensions and view point to see.While reading article, I got reminded of something great persons have said. I wrote Master as many people have shared it and most prominent one whom I can recall are Sri Ram Sharma Acharya and Mahatma Gandhi. Don’t hate the person but hate those vices’. Something which makes them do -violence, anger, greed. Never condemn a person but condemn those vices present in man.-Vaibhav Pandya

Forgiveness opens doors to the Love; Love opens door to the Forgiveness — One of the saying which brings us closer to Real True Love which is ever existential.”-Vaibhav Pandya

“Leaving home or Living at home, both has its positive and negative effect. But before acting an open dialogue in whichever forms need to be done with family. At least an attempt for it and try best to listen deeply to understand rather making other understand our point.”-Vaibhav Pandya

“So instead of taking call of leaving home for life, say you can leave it for a month or two… calmly see the picture… human nature is like a tail of dog, very had to make it straight… so let time take care of change in nature is over a night that’s not going to come.”- Vaibhav Pandya

Sharing personal angst, hearing similar stories and how people are dealing with them gives a feeling of connectedness- I am not the only one going through the issues.”Akram

There is always counselling and professional help available. If it gets to that stage, talking to someone who deals with issues can definitely help– Akram.

“Can speak with the father and convince him to accompany her to a psychologist. Family counselling can help since beating is not a sign of a healthy mind.“- Maitreeya Banerjee

“There may not be an ideal solution to the problem. The person going through the pain has to think about the calling of her/his heart and spirit and follow that. They have to focus on the journey within. They have to listen to their own soul. They have to trust what they feel and go with it. It is better to fail after listening to one’s own calling than to fail after listening to someone else’s calling. The solution is to unconditionally trust oneself and live that life”-Hashmukh Sapnawala

It is so true that there is no universal solution to this problem. We all have our journey and need to find our own solutions within.Thanks to everyone for sharing their views. I hope, together Dipti & I can find our ways ahead now.

Thank You !!!

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WHAT COULD BE THE SOLUTION ?

“DAD. A son’s first hero. A daughter’s first love”- Anonymous 

“MOTHER. You will be her first role model, Her first best friend, Her first love”-Vicki Reece 

Is it true for everyone ? I received a call from one of good friend yesterday. Pratibha, please  come to my house immediately, Dipti (name changed) said sobbingly. Is everything alright ?  Please don’t ask any question, just come fast. Ok, I will be there in an hour. 

A red suitcase was lying on her bed, with clothes all around it.  A pile of  her books,makeups and family photographs placed near the suitcase. I looked around to find her sitting near the window. Her eyes were red with tears flowing down her cheeks. 

I walked slowly towards her and asked , what happened ? are you going anywhere ? Yes, I am leaving the house tonight, Dipti replied. Leaving as in ? I am leaving the house forever. I cannot stay here anymore.

Lost & depressed, she continued. You know Pratibha everyone in my family is blaming me for leaving and running away from the situation. They want me to be strong and face the situation boldly. Even, I am guilty of leaving my mother at this stage, but I just cannot help it. If, I will stay even for a single day, I will go mad. You know, at times I feel, my mind has stopped working.

 

But  why ? What has happened ? You have this perfect family, a booming career and everything else a girl can ask for. Then why ? 

Perfect Family !!! What we see is not the truth always. No body knows, what’s going on behind the closed doors.

Please stop playing with  your words and tell me what’s wrong ? She burst into tears. Pratibha, this has been my secret but I have seen my dad beating my mother many a times in last 9 years. I am tired of it all now and cannot take it anymore. A part of me dying a bit everyday being here witnessing it. 

I understand you Dipti, I told to break the silence between us. We will figure something out, leaving home is not the solution of the problem. 

She got furious, you understand ?? No you don’t understand. I love her, she is my mother but living with her is harder than one can think it is. You don’t know how to react to her constant complaints and nagging. You don’t know how to handle her panic attacks. You don’t have the patience to listen how life has been so unfair to her all the time. You love her but don’t want to spend time with her. You both always end up getting arguments. It’s hard for you to respect her for her weaknesses. You can’t share your thoughts and feelings with her as she is already full of her complain. You miss her when she is gone but the moments she comes, you start to feel irritated and helpless. You try best to help and protect her but at the end it all seems useless.

You are saying to me you understand, how it is to live with my father under the same room knowing all this ?  It’s like,You love and hate him at the same time. Once, he is your role model and a perfect dad, who has given you the wings to fly high and conquer your dreams. At another moment, he is a monster, who beats your mother ruthlessly.You appreciate him as your father. But when you portray him as your mother’s husband, you don’t even feel like calling him you dad. You hate yourself for loving him. You feel like, you are supporting a criminal in his deed. No one can understand, how helpless I feel at times. 

I totally understand you but there should be something that you could do to change it. 

There is nothing , I could do to change it Pratibha.  Instead, In trying to help them and figure out their life, I have lost the direction of mine. What do you think, is it the story of my life only ? There must be thousand of children out there facing the same problem everyday. 

The problem with our society is that we don’t share such things. I feel, our life has become so fake. We fake being a happy family, a happy individual and the list goes on. I don’t understand why we judge and label a person, when one shares their depression, anger , frustration, family problems  & weaknesses.  We all are vulnerable Pratibha and do u believe, we have created a space out there to share our vulnerability ? 

Ok, you are telling  me to find the solution right. Now you tell me what is the solution ? What should I do now ? Should I stay back or leave ? 

I was numb. After few minutes, I told Dipti, I don’t have an answer right now. Let’s meet tomorrow and we will talk. For the time being, please stay back for my sake. You know, there are times in life when you just need to hold yourself up and carry on. Trust me, everything will be fine. I want you to remember that, I love you a lot and will always be there with you holding your back. 

We had our dinner together. I cleaned her bed. Tears flew down my cheeks as our eyes met for the last time. I placed a goodbye kiss on her forehead,while turning off the light of her room with a promise to see her again tomorrow. 

Walking back, I was thinking of her questions ? What can she do ? What could be the solution ? 

What do u think is the solution ? 

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BELIEVE ME !! YOU ARE MOVING AT THE RIGHT PACE

” Never compare your journey with others, your path is unique. Own it and make the best out of it”. – Anonymous

I had a meeting at 10 o’ clock yesterday at Noida sector 18. It takes around 20 minutes in general to reach there from my hostel. I left happily at 9:30 am thinking, I have enough time to get there.

In my happiness, I totally forgot that it is the office commute time. The station was packed with people. Among all, I was walking restlessly waiting for the metro to come, as it was already 9: 40 am. A metro came and to my surprise, it was fully packed. It could hardly accommodate 3-4 girls into it. We all have heard of survival of the fittest, and I couldn’t survive to get in at that one 🙂 

Slowly, I walked backwards and was heartbroken. Another metro came after eight minutes. I had prepared myself to fight and get in at this one. I was feeling accomplished when I could squeeze in and found a place to stand, just close to the doors.

Standing, facing the station as the door of the metro was closing, I could relate to the expression of girls, who couldn’t get in. I had a quick look at my watch; It was 9:59 am already. Still, I was happy to get in and thought it will just take another 15 minutes to get there.

When I got down at the station, I found people running towards the exit. Everyone was in hurry and was fighting their way ahead.

At the time, I reached downstairs; there was already a long queue. Getting in line, I was thinking, oh how lucky these people are to rush down here. They are way ahead me and will be on time. It was 10: 15 am already. I was feeling guilty of being late and was getting impatient to get to the exit. Deep inside, I was feeling very jealous of people at exit.

After, two minutes, I saw a long line behind me too. I could feel the same expression on their face. But, I was happy that, ohh there are people behind me too. I felt pity for them for a second. 

My happiness broke when; I noticed that the people in the next queue was moving faster than our queue. I thought for a second, ohh , I wish I could have joined that one. These people are moving faster and will exit sooner than us.

No matter, how much I tried and what I felt, I realized one thing at the end.

The only way to get to the exit is to be in my own line and move forward slowly taking a step at a time. It does not matter how many people are ahead or behind me, I have to walk on my own pace.

Seeing the one at the exit & feeling jealous of him won’t help me and would only make my situation worst. There is no way, I can fly there. Feeling gratitude & proud seeing the one behind me won’t help either. It might give a momentary happiness.

The thing that would help me is to focus on myself and keep moving forward slowly taking one step at time.

Then, the very next moment, I realized, is not the same happening to us in our life too?

At times, we compare & compete with people ahead of us in life, career, status, relationships etc. It taught me, how we are so focused about what everyone else’s is doing? How are they moving faster in life than us? More than our sadness, we worry about other’s happiness. More than our failure, we focus on other’s success. 

Being very honest, we try to imitate people at times, without knowing their life challenges & journey.  We check our friend’s vacations pictures and wish we could also have a vacation like them. We celebrate our friend’s promotions and achievements, but deep down at heart, compare them with our’s . 

At other times, we enjoy the fact that there are many behind us. We feel gratitude for everything that we have. With a proud in our voice, we introduce ourselves to the world, boasted high in our achievements.  During depression and low times, we explain ourselves, how blessed we are to at least have food to eat or a home to sleep at night.

I am not saying, we shouldn’t feel gratitude or blessed for whatever we have in our life. But deep inside,I believe, that is also comparing ourselves with someone else . 

WHY ? WHY DO WE HAVE TO COMPARE ALL THE TIME ? 

Is it that hard to just focus on our own journey and be a better person than what we were the day before ? 

Ultimately, at the end, we all have to reach the exit. Every one of us has their own journey to conquer.  I believe, It is just our choice, that do we want to run and rush there, do we want to walk slowly enjoying our being and momentum or do we just  want to take another way out.

Our journey is ours, irrespective of people ahead or behind us.

Life will be so beautiful, if we will learn to focus just on our journey. If we will learn to love & accept ourselves fully. If we will learn to appreciate the one ahead of us and help the one behind us. 

Believe me, we all are moving at the right pace and will reach our destination at our own right time.

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BE YOUR OWN ROLE MODEL

I have been reading Lucknow Boy- A Memoir by Vinod Mehta since last week . A wonderful read. In the introduction section, he has written: ” I had to chart an individual course. I had to frame a set of personal ten commandments, draw my  own Lakshman- rekha. ” 

He then has written, ” Role models presented a problem. Thus, while I could borrow from here & there, I realized I had to become my own role model.”

I just loved this lines and realized the truth of it. In life, we often try to imitate others. We get influenced by a personality and devote our whole life becoming them. Atleast, I have tried the same. I have had my role models and just wanted to be like them. I believed everything they said and did to be right, until I realized that it is not working. 

Each one of us is unique and have our own journey to conquer. 

Let’s learn from everyone but draw our own lakshman rekha 🙂 

Let’s be our own role model 🙂 

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A LETTER TO MYSELF

“You don’t know a woman until you have had a letter from her. “- Ada Leverson 

I love everything about letters and keep writing them to me, my friends and families.  I believe, there are times when it is hard to speak our true feelings and thoughts. I have taken help of letters at that time and found them to be very helpful. I would  also request all of you to write one to yourself or your loved ones today. 

Sharing with you all a letter , I wrote to myself on 1st January, 2017 🙂 

Dear Pratibha,                                                                                                              1st January, 2017

A very happy new year to you.

You are amazing and I love you for everything you do and not do 🙂

The year 2016 went really fast and could not believe it’s 1st of january already.  I know, it was not as easy as it looked to everyone. It has its’ own challenges, fear and doubts. In a way, you were on a rollercoaster of emotions. But when I am thinking of it while writing, I couldn’t remember a lot. I believe, this is the beauty of life. Time heals everything and we move on in life becoming  more strong & clear. 

You lost baba (your grandfather). Spending time with him during his last days on earth has given you a new perspective of life. He inspired you to write  and helped you understand more of you. You have learned to love & accept yourself more everyday with him. 

Pratibha, I don’t know about others, but I know you very well. There are time , when you do feel totally lost,  when you get depressed and lose hope in life. I have seen you telling lies to yourself on those days about how everything is ok and there is no problem with you. I have seen you pretending to yourself and life to be perfect, when it not.

Pratibha, in  year 2017,  you need to be honest with yourself. No one is perfect and you don’t have to be one all the time. It is totally ok to fail, totally ok to feel depressed & lost at times. Just accept yourself at that time and move on. Ask for help , when you need it. Share with your family, when you feel so. Be true to yourself always and respect your very being. 

Pratibha, there is nothing right or wrong in this world. What you believe to be right, might be wrong for someone else. And anyways, there is no need to be right always. At times, you need to just let go.You are  born to love & live life. What others do and think of you is none of your business. You are a unique combination of your own self , so  please don’t lose your uniqueness by comparing yourself to people around.  Let’s not  judge, compete and compare this year. 

Every year,  you make a new resolution and fail to continue the same after a week. As something new comes up or you run out of time. Your thoughts doesn’t allow you to relax when you do so and the guilt starts to build as soon as you discontinue. You then give tons of excuses to justify yourself and why you  can’t just do  it anymore.

So, let’s not make any new year resolution this year. Every day is a new beginning, what If you fail today, remember there is always a tomorrow  and a day after tomorrow 🙂 If not this life, then believe in reincarnation, there is always another lifetime 🙂

So why rush !! Just relax and enjoy your time.

In life, you had spend most of your time knowing the outer world, exploring things and places. You had travelled extensively and have made amazing friends. Let’s  be your best friend in year 2017. Let’s spend some time with yourself everyday to know yourself better. Let’s just for a change, live for yourself & your dreams this year . 

Let’s just be you this year and give space to others to be themselves. Life is meant to love .. So express, love & live in year 2017. Accept  life & everyone as they come on your way. 

Pratibha, I forgot the most important thing, Learn to Say No & Respect yousrelf . 

Never Give Up !!!! I am always there for you.

Looking forward to spend the year with you 🙂

Love,

Pratibha …

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IN CONVERSATION WITH MR. DASHRATH

LIFE IS SIMPLE. WHAT WE GIVE OUT, WE GET BACK. 

While walking back to the hostel from my evening yoga class, a thought of eating something nice & spicy came to my mind. I couldn’t resist the feeling and walked down the market to enjoy the “dili ki chat ” 🙂
 
When I was busy enjoying the chat, my eyes struck to this man sitting in front of me, smiling and enjoying a cup of tea with a fellow vendor.
 
I walked to him and we had a very interesting conversation about life & family in general. His is Mr. Dashrath Sah. A 65 years old man with his ancestral roots in Bihar. He is into the business of bhel ( an Indian snack ) since last 40 Years.
 
He shared, beta, I had come to Delhi for my livelihood. I was offered a job at a govt. department that paid only rs. 60/- a month. I left that job as it was not enough to sustain my family in Delhi at that time.
 
I have always been a very hardworking & dedicated man. Will you believe, I made my house, brought up my kids through this business only. Those were the happy days.
 
Time has changed today, he continues. I did everything for my kids but now they have left me and I live alone. “Aj kal ka jamana aisa hi hain – koi kisi ka nahi hain. Sab sirf apne barein mein sochte hain”. (The lifestyle of today is that no one thinks anything about anyone.)
 
He said, I am not complaining just sharing my view points. I earn rs. 50/- a day now and cook my own food. I am very happy with life. I have no complains with my kids either. I go and visit them at times.
 
Just a thought for the youngsters he said, some throw their parents out of house in old age. I wonder, he said , why our kids forget that they will also be old one day and the same may happen to them.
 
“Yehi life is majbori hain ki hum hamare sath bhi aisa ho sakta hain ,sochte hi nahin hain “( This is the dilemma of our life, we never think that, the same can happen to us also).
Tum hi socho beta, thik kah raha hun na ?
I had no answer of his question. I just smiled and walked back to the hostel. Walking back, I kept thinking about his wisdom & life. In an essence, he wanted to say, we get back what we give out to others. 
Let’s love & respect our grandparents from today 🙂  Let’s just give them our best from today 🙂 
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JAGO GRAHAK JAGO !!!

I am not getting chance to watch TV these days as travelling to places & mostly to villages. Yesterday at bhaiya’s place while watching the hot discussion on Aaj Tak about demonetization, I watched Sonakshi Sinha’s Signature Blanket Ad.

She was saying ” Signature blanket ke bina aapki lifestyle adhuri hain ” A signature blanket for signature home (Your lifestyle is incomplete without a signature blanket). I was smiling hard after watching the advertisement. 

I kept thinking, I don’t have a signature blanket  but I don’t feel my lifestyle is incomplete without one. In the whole ad, there was no discussion about the product quality & utility. They were just trying to make a luxury brand out of it to sell their products and the sole purpose is to make money.

I mean, there is nothing wrong in earning money and selling the products. It is their business but I believe, that doesn’t give them the right to make people feel incomplete & insecure without one. If one will study the ad and brands today, their main focus have been about how we look, our status quo ,beauty & luxury more than the quality & utility.

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This reminded me of an add I watched of Priyanka Chopra’s on Rajnigandha Silver Pearls two years back. Priyanka in the ad is saying  Dil Bada Tho , Tu Bada ” and Acchai ki ek Chamak hoti hain “. 

In India, we are already dealing heavily with people who chew tobacco and eat Rajnigandha and now Priyanka and the company through her add are trying to inculcate the same habits to Indian women.Not only that, they are trying to relate it to the goodness inside us. 

Strange, still they are  the super stars and heroes of our country. Priyanka,  just a quick question , what Acchai and bada dil have to do with one eating Rajnigandha Silver Pearls ? And do you yourself consume it everyday ?

 

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Amitabh Bachhan Ji is saying :Maggi brings Khushiyan in Two Minutes”.  No offense ! I am a big fan of both Amitabh ji and Maggi. First thing, It never gets prepared in two minutes and secondly, it  has never brought me happiness in two minutes. But, I agree with one thing for sure is that,thinking of having maggi, gives me an excitement in two minutes . But that excitement & happiness doesn’t last once I eat it.

Am I the only one who gets stomach ache after eating one ?

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Beauty !! It is one of my favorite topic to write about. But I am happy today that to whom, we believe to be epitome of beauty in our society are also confused about it 🙂

Yami Gautam is saying, get fairer skin everyday and one can get instant fairness using Fair & Lovely. On the other hand,  Asin is advocating about having yellow skin that outshines gold.

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I am still thinking ,why do we need to look yellow and  have a skin that outshine gold ? I believe Lux & Asin must be having the answers .

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Let’s talk about Katrina Kaif’s slice advertisement.  I have never seen anyone dressing like a goddess before eating a mango. The time, I had first watched this ad, I kept thinking what is so revealing about a mango & a bottle of slice ? We all understand why they have chosen her and the message they are trying to portray through the ad.

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I am in Delhi for some time now and the city is full of pollution. It is hard to get fresh air outside even for an hour. I have changed six cosmetics brands in last six months but all have failed to keep my skin fresh & healthy from dust allergies caused due to pollution.Had taken advice from the top skin doctor of the city but still no result. Lastly, getting some relief since last two -three days, when I started applying twenty years old cow’s ghee (butter) on my face.

But according to Katrina and the Lux, If I will use this new fresh splash soap, It will be a breath of fresh air for my skin. Seems like, need to try this one too 🙂 

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No words for this one !!!! I hope you get my point.

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In our country, we pray superstars like God. We spend hours following their facebook page, personal life, brands they love & every small thing about them. Heroines are believed to be the epitome of beauty and its’ a dream of many to look like them & be them in every possible way.

Many youth lose their hope & career every year trying to get into the Bollywood world of name & fame. Many get depressed and lose their life too. Where are we heading with it ?

I am a big fan of movies myself and love watching them but still I believe, we have given more power to them than we should.What’s wrong with us ? What’s wrong with the advertising company and the film star ? I totally understand, they are a star and need to make money to have a luxury lifestyle & pay their bills. But, I believe they should think of their social responsibility  too before endorsing a brand. There are millions of people, who follow them blindly and believe in the brands just because they are associated with it.

It’s a  humble request to the companies, the advertising agencies and the film starts to please use their creativity, money & fame in a good way. Please make good & healthy product and advertise them sensibly. If you at least cannot use it in good way , please don’t mislead the people and your fan.

Let’s not give them the power & authority to play with our psychological mind.

JAGO GRAHAK JAGO 

 

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