TODAY IS THE DAY
Last two months have been a great learning period for me. Seeing Baba on bed , fighting to live each day has made me rethink about life, love & everything that exist. It’s hard to express it all in words. I think , I have changed as a person in this time.
He came home on Friday after spending two weeks in hospital. The operation went successful, he is recovering fast and is healthy now. Since last weeks, all he wanted was to be home & kept telling us the same. Now, when he is home, I could feel a restlessness in his face. He was very quiet & upset yesterday morning. I kept asking him, Baba what are thinking ? What has happened to you ? Please tell me. After few hours, he got irritated and shouted at me ... “Mein soch raha hun ki, mein kab marunga”. And then, he became very quiet & closed his eyes.
I was shocked & didn’t know how to respond. Tears started flowing from my eyes & I kept thinking, what made him think like that ?
I thought, we are doing the best we could do for him.He has been surrounded by the family & friends, who are taking care of him every second of the day.His health is the top priority in our life now. We have forgotten our world in last two months and still he is thinking this ? I was puzzled and disappointed.
Then a thought came, what about the time before this ? Was he a priority in our life in last two 2-3 years ? Did we give our best to him, when he really needed it ?
Baba is the most disciplined person in our family. He used to wake up at 5 AM everyday. After the morning routine,he used to clean his room, and then surprisingly used to make tea for both him & Dadi. At times, I used to join him for morning walks and on those days, he used to make tea for me too 🙂
He always loved us unconditionally, and we all could sense his purity & warmth. When I was studying outstation, the train used to arrive home at 4 AM in the morning. I used to come home smiling, knowing that baba will be there, standing at balcony waiting for me. He used shout from balcony , seeing me “ Aa gayi beti “( You have come daughter ) with teary eyes and a sobbing voice, communicating me silently, how much he missed me & loves me.
Somehow, I feel, I couldn’t love him unconditionally.
I cried remembering that moment yesterday, when he used to come to my room to talk and after talking with him for 10 minutes, I used to start working on my computer. He just used to sit there & then leave after few minutes.
I learned a hard lesson of life yesterday, If we would have given him 25 % of the time, attention, love & care since beginning, that we are giving to him now, he wouldn’t have been in hospital today. We took good care of him but I would not say , I gave my 100%.
I realized, not only with him but these goes with every little thing in our life. We keep postponing our yoga everyday, our evening walks, our laughter & everything for future & one day when we get sick or things go out of our hands, we try our best to fix it. We give our 500% to it but at that time, it’s hard to bring everything to normal.
Life is so strange, we realize the importance of a person when one is on their death bed. We try to fix things, when it go out of our hands. We take care of our health, when we get sick & the list goes on.
I know, I cannot bring back those times back. But I decided that from today, I will take care of me, my health & people in my life.I am a short tempered person & get rude at times but I have taken a vow to take responsibility of my words from today. I have taken a vow to take care for everything in my life before it is too late.
Let’s love & care ourselves & our family before it’s too late to care. Let’s get a good health before we get sick. Let’s live our life before we die.
TODAY IS THE DAY 🙂